1. 1 year ago 

   inspiration

   its been a while.

   i remember my last long entry being on the eve of my print media exam. well folks, its the eve of my pr exam and i’m up (at 12am) writing this.

   you know, i might be studying mass comm but the funny thing is is that i sometimes feel that writing can be such a chore. it seems as though, recently (i think), i lack the inspiration and fire. writing isn’t like ridin’ a bike you know. you can’t just pick up where you left off. it just withers away i guess.

   when i’m asked to write essays for projects in school, i find myself surfing the web for enthusiam and creativity. that, to me is cheating. if it doesn’t come from deep within me then it must be, right. i’ve lost my words. where did they go?

   even verbal expressions are tough for me now. many friends have told me that i’m an emotional cripple and the old lana would have violently disagreed. but the new me nods her head in silent acknowledgement.

   well, perhaps it could be due to the lack of excitement in my life. its been work, school, work, school, occasional drinking sessions with the crew, and then work some more. it really doesn’t help being in operations too - the least creatively stimulating line of work one can ever be in.

   that being said, i really do love my job. (ok, maybe love’s too strong a word. enjoy. i really do enjoy my job.) i get to work with incredibly brilliant people and fly ard asia. i’ve got supportive colleagues and bosses and the location of my office is the shopping central of singapore. whats not to love (i mean enjoy) eh?

   so, i guess i have my new years resolution. finding one’s creativity can’t be THAT hard. searching for that spark should not take a lot of elbow grease. coz if its one thing i do know, i don’t ever want to be uninspired or unoriginal. 

happiness sits just outside my window. happiness feels a lot like sorrow. happiness damn near destroys you.

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